The Random Chimp Event Broadcast

This morning the nation awoke to catastrophic events on what seems to be a global scale.

The chimps have abandoned their natural habitat, infiltrating urban areas, seizing control of cities, government buildings, and public transport. Emergency services have tried to turn the tide of what may well be the end of humanity… to no avail.

All citizens should stay inside, lock their doors, and hide all bananas within their vicinity.

Good luck America, and God bless.